The Panic Attacks are Starting.

I haven't slept or eaten properly in weeks.

There will be no more secrets. No more inside-jokes.
Everything will be reported to a third party.
I have to be a "good Buddhist" and a "good daughter."

I do not plan to attend graduation. No need to bother.

I'm hyperventitlatingand I can't handle itEverything is shatteringI can't breathe. I'm trying.

I'm expected to live up to a standard no one else does

It's suffocating

stop calling her my stepmother i have never met her seen her talked to her don't you dare use the word mother to describe her to me don't you fucking dare 26 years meant replaced by a woman I've never seen, never met, never talked to I hope you have a happy marriage. really i do. I'll never state my suffering aloud. I'll never make it known to you so you will both be happy. I will be a good daughter and Buddhist and hide everything so that you will be I'm OK that I'm OK so you will never have to be angry or sad because of me. It will be just as you want it. You will be happy and you'll think I'm happy so that you can live life with her happily. I'll disappear, it's OK, I'm OK. I'm OK. I can see the end, and it's OK. The end is OK. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it. Deep down inside. I just didn't know it was so near. But it's OK. I'm OK. I will be a good daughter.

I was taught blood could overcome anything.

They lied.

For the first time, I feel incredibly alone. Even my demons are gone.

I'm going back in time and I dont know what to do anymore. i need help. someone to help me.please